Poop Story

Told by Harry:

Now kids, the title of my story sounds ewwy and gross but you can't make this stuff up.

One Saturday evening, your mum and I went to visit Aunt Leah. She took us to this hibachi styled Korean restaurant that let you cook your own food. We selected our meats and vegetables. I convinced them both to try the tongue. I have had tongue before but as you've come to learn, neither of them has.

Anyway, we left the restaurant and went back to Aunt Leah's flat. That's when the trouble began. Your mum started complaining about a stomach ache and urged me to move along so we could go home. It was in the winter, so we left our snowy boots outside the door. Mum could barely stand straight to put her shoes on. She whispered to Aunt Leah that she was gassy. I didn't hear that but Leah wished me luck on the drive home with my gassy wife.

Before I could park the car in the garage your mum was already outside and yelling at me to let her in the house. She dashes inside and heads to the loo. At this point, I needed to wee and I tried knocking to use the loo but she shooed me away. I had to go downstairs and pee in the sink. Our old house only had one bathroom and sinks in the basement. I did my deed and came back upstairs and mum was still in the loo. I checked to see if she was okay and she confirmed she was just dandy.

About 15 minutes in, I heard the shower running. I was puzzled but ignored it anyway. When she re-emerged from the bathroom, she told me her tummy hurt and that she will never eat cow tongue ever again because it gave her diarrhea.

We went to bed and another day came to pass. The next morning, when I was getting ready to shower, I noticed a trail of my blue liquid soap all over the tub. I also noticed some on my wash cloth. On the cloth was also a brownish streak. I had washed it and smelled it but the brown was still there. For a second, I thought it might be poop and smelled it again but couldn't smell anything. So I went ahead and lathered up my wash cloth and took a nice shower washing myself with the brown stained face cloth. I was still puzzled as to why it was such a stubborn stain.

Later that night, I asked mum why my wash cloth had this mysterious brown stain and that's when she burst out into laughter and told me that she washed herself with it after she'd had diarrhea the previous night. All I could say was, "I washed myself with your poop!!!" And kids, that's how the poop story came to be.

It's Not Delivery...

It's Imaginary!

I know, I know, I am hilarious and I should've gone into marketing. ;-) For those of you (like my parents) who don't understand my pun let me ruin the jokes awesomeness by explaining it to you.

There is a type of frozen pizza called DiGiorno. It is disgusting or at least I think it is. Their slogan is, "It's not delivery, it's DiGiorno!" Obviously, I took their slogan and altered it to tailor my needs.  

I was "Snapping" aka Snap Chatting my friend, Christy when she said she was craving pizza. She was at work and I was home sick so I drew her a piece of pizza. I sent a follow- up snap that read, "It's not delivery, it's imaginary!" 

What is the point of this blog post you ask? I don't know but, I was laughing hysterically at myself and I thought I was pretty clever. Maybe this post will only make sense to Christy and I. Maybe this post is only insanely funny to me and if that is the case then I blame it on the drugs (aka cold medicine). Or, maybe, this post will make you laugh and it will be just what you need to brighten your day. :-)