Saturday, November 16, 2013

Worst Day of my Life

Sunday November 10, 2013 was the worst day of my life. It started out like any Sunday. At 11:30 I was microwaving leftover pizza and my dad took the dog outside to play Frisbee. I had just sat down to eat when he came inside holding Sophie. He said she ran down the steps and started squealing. She either missed a step or miss stepped, we'll never know. My dad was holding her and she was panting and wouldn’t let him touch her paw. She couldn’t put any weight on her paw so we took her to the emergency vet.

We waited for an hour and then they brought us back. Even though she had just been at the vet a week ago they put her on a scale and she fell right over. It was so sad. The vet technician even made us put her on the table so she could take her temperature and whatnot. It was so frustrating because she couldn’t stand and it was painful not only for our poor little Sophie but for us too!

The vet technician left us alone in the room and my mom sat there just shaking her head no. It was like she was saying prepare yourself, this is not going to have a good outcome. I knew that too but was in denial. Forty-five minutes later the veterinarian came in and looked at Sophie. She said she could feel the bone moving around so she wanted to do an x-ray. That meant broken. That meant most likely we were going to be putting our dog down within the hour. All the praying, all the begging I did to God did not change the outcome. The veterinarian came back in with the news all four of us had been dreading.

Sophie had fractured her elbow when she was 6 months old. We gave her surgery because she was 6 months old; she had her whole life ahead of her. Now though, she was 12. She would be 13 on December 21, 2012. She had the exact same injury but on the other leg. Surgery was thousands of dollars and there was no guarantee for a full recovery. My dad started crying, then I started crying, then my mom started crying and my sister who apparently mourns loss differently said, “I think we know what we need to do.”

They kicked us out of the room and put us in the waiting room. I was a mess and my mom and sister were telling me I couldn’t be in the room because I couldn’t handle it. Their comments irritated me. This is my time. This is my goodbye. This is my time to mourn. I can be in the room and I will be in the room. They called us back and brought us to the biggest room. This is the room that I saw two other families in earlier. Both put their dogs to sleep and both ran out of the veterinarians office crying.

The vet technician brought Sophie in. She had a little IV and was wrapped in a towel. It was horrible. They gave us time to say our goodbyes. We all held her one more time. We were probably with her for a half hour before the vet came in. She basically gave Sophie an overdose of meds. Within 5 seconds of injecting the meds into Sophie, my precious little dog was gone. Her eyes were still open, her body just got cold and her jaw dropped open. The vet came over listened for a pulse and said the two words no one ever wants to hear, “She’s gone.” I asked for a pair of scissors so I could take a lock of hair and my mom took Sophie’s collar off. We handed Sophie to the vet and that was that.

I know the Bible says animals don’t have souls meaning they don’t go to Heaven but as an animal lover I can’t believe that. I’m going to have a child like faith because I need to right now. I can’t bear to think that when we put Sophie down that was the end like she’s just gone and all she is is ashes now. That brings me no comfort whatsoever and she was too great of a dog and holds too special of a place in my heart for me to believe that.

I believe that God greeted her. That he was there by the gate when she took her last breath to hold her in his arms and show her around Heaven. I picture him re-introducing her to Maty, our old cat. I picture Sophie hanging out with our neighbor, Bob who lost his battle with cancer in June. I picture Sophie wagging her tail at all the mail carriers in Heaven because our mailman was one of her favorite people on Earth. I picture Sophie sleeping on a cloud, playing Frisbee and eating all sorts of delicious treats. She’s having a great time and even though I miss her dearly, I know she’s watching over me. She’s my angel dog and I think about her everyday.

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