Hopes and Dreams

I always envisioned 25 being the year I would get married. By the age of 27, I would have my first child. Yeah, well I just turned 25 two weeks ago and I am nowhere near that point in my life. This was a sad realization for me. I started thinking about all the hopes and dreams I had for myself by the time I was 25. I was disappointed to see that I barely achieved any of them. I'm still living at home. I'm still in school. I'm still single. I did buy a brand new car... not that Audi I was hoping for but it sure feels luxurious! 

Where I am at this point in my life isn't even close to where I planned and although that makes me incredibly sad, I believe it's exactly where God intended me to be. I know there is a saying out there like, "We plan and God laughs." I am really trying to trust God and His timing, but it is not always easy. He knows the desires of my heart and I take complete comfort in that (Psalm 37:4). So I'm not married, is that the end of the world? No. I have SO much to be thankful for. I do have goals for the next five years though. I have hopes and dreams. I will work hard to achieve them but they'll only happen if it's His will and on His timing. 

I lift my life up to you, Lord. Do with me what you may. Use this time of singleness to develop me into who you want me to be. 

Live for Today

James 4:14 “Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.”

On Sunday November 10, my dog was running down the steps to go play Frisbee when she either miss stepped or missed a step and fell. She started squealing and could not walk. We took her to the emergency vet where they did an x-ray. She had fractured her elbow and would need surgery. She fractured her other elbow when we was six months old. We gave her surgery and she made a full recovery. This time was different though. Because of her age there was no guarantee she would make a full recovery and surgery cost several thousands of dollars so we made a hard decision and decided to put her down.

That day started off just as any other day and then the unexpected happened. Throughout the whole day I kept thinking about how short life is and that none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow. I find myself pushing things off until tomorrow whether it is really tomorrow or a month from, a year from now or even five years from now. I get so caught up in today and what needs to get done that I need to start living life as if there is no tomorrow because tomorrow may never come. I need to do things like stare in wonderment of the starry night, actually stop to smell a rose, really and truly do unto others, and love those He has placed in my life especially those who are hard to love. 

Thank God for today, for giving you breath and enjoy the simple things in life. I know I will.

Worst Day of my Life

Sunday November 10, 2013 was the worst day of my life. It started out like any Sunday. At 11:30 I was microwaving leftover pizza and my dad took the dog outside to play Frisbee. I had just sat down to eat when he came inside holding Sophie. He said she ran down the steps and started squealing. She either missed a step or miss stepped, we'll never know. My dad was holding her and she was panting and wouldn’t let him touch her paw. She couldn’t put any weight on her paw so we took her to the emergency vet.

We waited for an hour and then they brought us back. Even though she had just been at the vet a week ago they put her on a scale and she fell right over. It was so sad. The vet technician even made us put her on the table so she could take her temperature and whatnot. It was so frustrating because she couldn’t stand and it was painful not only for our poor little Sophie but for us too!

The vet technician left us alone in the room and my mom sat there just shaking her head no. It was like she was saying prepare yourself, this is not going to have a good outcome. I knew that too but was in denial. Forty-five minutes later the veterinarian came in and looked at Sophie. She said she could feel the bone moving around so she wanted to do an x-ray. That meant broken. That meant most likely we were going to be putting our dog down within the hour. All the praying, all the begging I did to God did not change the outcome. The veterinarian came back in with the news all four of us had been dreading.

Sophie had fractured her elbow when she was 6 months old. We gave her surgery because she was 6 months old; she had her whole life ahead of her. Now though, she was 12. She would be 13 on December 21, 2012. She had the exact same injury but on the other leg. Surgery was thousands of dollars and there was no guarantee for a full recovery. My dad started crying, then I started crying, then my mom started crying and my sister who apparently mourns loss differently said, “I think we know what we need to do.”

They kicked us out of the room and put us in the waiting room. I was a mess and my mom and sister were telling me I couldn’t be in the room because I couldn’t handle it. Their comments irritated me. This is my time. This is my goodbye. This is my time to mourn. I can be in the room and I will be in the room. They called us back and brought us to the biggest room. This is the room that I saw two other families in earlier. Both put their dogs to sleep and both ran out of the veterinarians office crying.

The vet technician brought Sophie in. She had a little IV and was wrapped in a towel. It was horrible. They gave us time to say our goodbyes. We all held her one more time. We were probably with her for a half hour before the vet came in. She basically gave Sophie an overdose of meds. Within 5 seconds of injecting the meds into Sophie, my precious little dog was gone. Her eyes were still open, her body just got cold and her jaw dropped open. The vet came over listened for a pulse and said the two words no one ever wants to hear, “She’s gone.” I asked for a pair of scissors so I could take a lock of hair and my mom took Sophie’s collar off. We handed Sophie to the vet and that was that.

I know the Bible says animals don’t have souls meaning they don’t go to Heaven but as an animal lover I can’t believe that. I’m going to have a child like faith because I need to right now. I can’t bear to think that when we put Sophie down that was the end like she’s just gone and all she is is ashes now. That brings me no comfort whatsoever and she was too great of a dog and holds too special of a place in my heart for me to believe that.

I believe that God greeted her. That he was there by the gate when she took her last breath to hold her in his arms and show her around Heaven. I picture him re-introducing her to Maty, our old cat. I picture Sophie hanging out with our neighbor, Bob who lost his battle with cancer in June. I picture Sophie wagging her tail at all the mail carriers in Heaven because our mailman was one of her favorite people on Earth. I picture Sophie sleeping on a cloud, playing Frisbee and eating all sorts of delicious treats. She’s having a great time and even though I miss her dearly, I know she’s watching over me. She’s my angel dog and I think about her everyday.

Timing

I always share the devotions that I write for church on the weekends I serve. I didn't write this one, but it is good so I thought I'd share it here anyway. It is an excerpt from Jesus Calling. I read it in January, but it is really hitting home with me now. Enjoy!

I am with you and for you. When you decide on a course of action that is in line with My will, nothing in heaven or on earth can stop you. You may encounter many obstacles as you move toward your goal, but don’t be discouraged- never give up! With My help, you can overcome any obstacle. Do not expect an easy path as you journey hand in hand with Me, but do remember that I, your very- present Helper, am omnipotent.

Much, much stress results from your wanting to make things happen before their times have come. One of the main ways I assert My sovereignty is in the timing of events. If you want to stay close to Me and do things My way, ask Me to show you the path forward moment by moment. Instead of dashing headlong toward your goal, let Me set the pace. Slow down, and enjoy the journey in My Presence.

“What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” Romans 8:31

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. Psalm 46:1-3

“For nothing is impossible with God.” Luke 1:37

Chevy Cruze

A few weeks ago I mentioned that I thought my cars transmission was on its way out... Again! I dropped it off at the mechanic and low and behold, it was the transmission. The mechanic told me I had a 3 year warranty on the transmission though so I should be covered. Not true, he called back two days later and asked, "Do you love this car?" You know that is not good. He told me that the warranty company will not put a new transmission in my car because the cost of repairs is greater than the value of my car. Don't even get me started. Like what was the point of a warranty? Anyway, I asked what my options were and the mechanic told me to drive it until it dies. Well, that wasn't really an option considering every time you try accelerating the car veers into another lane and skids like you are sliding on ice. He told me I could trade it in but the value would be $500. Let me tell you, my old car which was a 2003 Saturn Vue had a great body and wonderful inside. The problem was the VTI transmission that GM put in... That was their fault.

I took some time to think over my options. Trade in value would mean I need to get a car from a dealership. What  could I get if I sold the car on Craigslist? How much money can I afford to spend on a car? I suddenly became very discouraged. After looking at cars, both private owners and dealers were selling cars with 168,000 miles for 7 to 9 thousand dollars. That to me is ridiculous! Then, something wonderful happened. The sales manager at the dealership called me. He told me the car was brought to his attention and there is an option where GMC will credit me for my vehicle but the catch is that credit goes to a brand new GMC vehicle and my old car will get crushed. We started the paperwork even though I wasn't sure this was the option to go or that I could afford it.

I went to look at other cars during this waiting period. My parents saw a great car online so I called on it, arranged to meet the guy and five minutes before we got to his house he sold the car. Another time, I looked at a Nissan Maxima. I prayed that if this car was a lemon God would make it loud and clear. He did. The guy was not where he said he would be so we drove to a Home Depot to meet him there. We got in the car and the seat belt didn't work but he acted like he had no idea. My dad asked why he was selling the car and he hesitated to answer. We took it out for a drive and brakes were pulsy and the car didn't go into overdrive when you hit 60mph. The seller was also oblivious to that. God was loud and clear that that car was not for me and I am grateful. Then I test drove a Mazda. It had a great body but the material from the ceiling inside was falling down, he had tried to repaint the rust, and it had 118,000 miles on it. I didn't like it and the guy kept trying to sell me on and he told me all ceilings look like that. I am not dumb, all ceilings do not need push pins in them. Anyway, I told him I'd take it for $5,800 and he was insulted. He told me I wouldn't find anything better but I was determined I would.

THREE WEEKS LATER after filing the paperwork and one day after test driving that Mazda, I received an enthusiastic call from the sales manager at the dealership. They got me the full credit for my Saturn!! I could not believe it. That was a TOTAL GOD THING. The answer was clear, take the credit and buy a brand new car. I looked at super small like European style cars- Chevy Spark and Chevy Sonic. Those I could have paid off right away and not had a car payment but the catch was that I cart kids around and those cars were too small to fit a stroller and too small for me to feel comfortable driving kids in. I ended up taking a BIG risk and bought a 2014 Chevy Cruze. God worked his "magic" and I was able to get a crazy low interest rate on the loan and incredibly low monthly payments. During this time I also learned my credit is higher than I thought and that was a very pleasant surprise.

I ended up with a 2014 Black Chevy Cruze and I love it! On Star and Bluetooth are amazing! I have an app on my phone where I can lock and unlock my car. The app tells me tire pressure, miles, gallons of gas, miles per gallon, tank life, oil percentage and fuel range. I can type in my destination and it will send directions to my car and more, it is amazing! Oh, and inside the car, I have USB and AUX port! I am spoiled, but I am going to enjoy every minute of this because I have had five cars in the past eight years. I cannot begin to tell you how great it is to be able to drive my car without worrying if today is the day my transmission will go out and I'll be stranded on the side of the road.

What did I do to deserve this car? Absolutely nothing. All I did was trust God. Trust that He would provide and He did.

Prayers Answered

I've been praying for courage to be more outgoing and meet new people. I am longing for community within the church so I decided to introduce myself to someone I've never met before every weekend. I did that tonight, I met Diane. I've also been praying that God would use me and teach me to be generous and self less. Tonight, He did that by having me pick up a student volunteer. I had two people tell me they thought about me during the message. I had a group of older couples ask if I'd do dinner with them after church one weekend. I said sure they said they'd love that. It's funny how I prayed for community and a sense of belonging and God put me in the arms of loving grandparents. I never had grandparents growing up so I am looking forward to having good influential mentors in my life!

Complaining and Arguing

There is a family I spend a lot of my time with. As I was sitting on the couch listening to the kids reasons of why we can’t go to the beach, why we should go to MOA and why the oldest should just stay at home a Bible verse popped into my head. I decided to share it with the kids. We’ve gone to church together before and over the course of the years we’ve prayed together and read Bible stories but we’ve never done anything like this. I shared with them Philippians 2:14, “Do everything without complaining or arguing.” I shared how this verse applied to my life when I was their age. I shared how this verse still applies to my life. For example, Do I enjoy doing the dishes and then finding more dishes in the sink minutes after I have finished? No, but I try and do the dishes without complaining. I'm not saying I never complain, but it is something I am working on.  I asked them to share examples of times when they were asked to do something they did not want to do. Our conversation also led to the 10 Commandments in particular the 5th Commandment, “Honor thy Father and thy Mother.”

I thoroughly enjoyed having this conversation with the kids and I never would have done it if I had not felt God’s prompting. Like I said, we’ve never had conversations like that before, but it brought our relationship to a deeper level. How have you seen God work in you or another individual's life this month?

Right Person Myth

Check out last weekends message at EBC here. Seriously, you won't regret it!!

- Marriage is less about finding the right kind of person and more about becoming the right kind of person.

- Divorce rate is 50%

- Divorce rate is 33 to 151% higher (depending on the study) if you live together before marriage

- Women desire intimacy and oneness of a relationship but end up settling for cohabitation.

- Women who live with their significant other before marriage are 3 times more likely to be depressed

   - If they do get married, they report marital conflict and less marital happiness

- 40% of EBC is single

- Don't follow your heart.

  - Jeremiah 19:9

  - Proverbs 14:12

  - Proverbs 3: 5-6

- Don't blindly follow your heart or feelings

- Ask yourself, when the infatuation wears off how capable is this person of going through a life crisis? What is their character and integrity life?

  - Infatuation will answer yes to the questions above

- We are never called to find a person that we can have an emotional infatuation with. He calls us to find a person that we can share a mission with.

- Give God your undivided attention.

- 1 Corinthians 7:32-35

- Being single is your time to give God UNdivided devotion

- God can bring the right person while you are serving Him and focusing your attention on Him.

- Singleness is not a time to despise, it is a time to embrace.

- Pursuing marriage should never become your primary pursuit.

- Choosing the wrong guys? It's because you are doing the choosing.

- Don't marry a fixer upper.

- Buying a fixer upper is risky, dating a fixer upper is foolish.

- 2 Corinthians 6:14 "Don't team up with unbelievers."

- Don't marry a wiener.

- Do you trust that God is able to provide for you a Godly spouse?

- Only God can change a persons heart.

- Become the kind of person you want to marry.

  - Selfless, humble, generous

- Spend energy from looking for the right person to becoming the right person.

- Couples who read the Bible and prayed together on a daily basis have a divorce rate of less than 1%

- Spiritual growth indicators: Christian friends and personal ministry (help others know Christ) 

- Pray to God to change character trait and find Bible verses to help you change (anger)

  - If you get two people in marriage who do this, that is when marriage gets good, it gets fun!

- Jeremiah 29:11

WCAGLS and Bob Goff

Bob Goff is hilarious and so full of wisdom! I loved his stories and could have listened to him talk for at least another hour. He was great! I think him and Patrick Lencioni made the Global Leadership Summit. I bought Bob's book, Love Does months ago, but have not gotten around to reading it yet. But now, after hearing him speak, I am more eager to read it than ever! Just like my other posts, below are notes from Bob's session. 

Love God. Love People. Do stuff.

Let it develop over time. Do not rush it, it ruins it.

Live a life worthy of the call you have received.

See people for who they are becoming.

Say to people, "It's good to see ya!" 

Let all that you do be done in love.

I want to hear God say, "You are who I made you to be."

Put the exclamation point after the right stuff.

I used to want to fix people, but now, I just want to be with them. 

Nothing will ever separate us from the love of God.

God's ability to forgive us is not limited by our ability to get it.

God wants to blow your minds. He took the foolish things of the World to shame the wise so that no one can boast. 

If you create some margin, Jesus will shove some terrific things in that space. 

Too often, we are posers. Don't be afraid. Be you. Live a life worthy of the calling you have received.

Leadership is more than giving pointers.

If we lead strong, we will lead people towards Jesus.

1 John 3:18

Sun Stand Still

I finished reading Steven Furtick's book, "Sun Stand Still" a few weeks ago. The book is about audacious faith. Below are a few quotes I wrote down:

- " If you're not daring to believe God for the impossible, you may be sleeping through some of the best parts of your Christian Life."

- "If the size of your vision for your life isn't intimidating to you, there's a good chance it is insulting to God."

- "If we have the audacity to ask, God has the ability to perform."

- "God gives people the exact experiences he wants them to have in order to shape the specific destiny he's designed for them."

- "When you examine the lives of people who are called to do great things for God, you'll notice 3 things:

They offer God a long list of excuses, God doesn't seem surprised, and God doesn't change his mind." 

- "I'm not raising two kids to survive the world. I am raising them to change it."

- "Extraordinary moves of God begin with ordinary acts of obedience."

- "Faith opens your eyes to see the potential to serve a God who is already at work on your behalf."

- "Audacity is believing that God's promise is bigger than any (my) perhaps."

- "It's not wrong to feel fear. It is wrong to let that fear have the last word in your life."

- "The level of you impact will be directly proportional to the price you are willing to pay."

- "If your problem is to big for you, it is just the right size for God."

- "The image that comes to mind when you think of God is the most important thing about you."

- "Build your confidence in his goodness and his greatness and He will do the impossible."

- "If your faith isn't rooted in God's promises, it's not scriptural faith. It is just wishful thinking."

- "You can't claim God's promises if you don't know God's promises."

- "God's grace is so audacious that he will use failure itself to show off just how capable He is."

- "Nothing you've ever done is so repulsive that God can't redeem your potential and love you through it."

- "The very sin you've been ignoring and minimizing may be the one that's limiting your ability to rise to greater heights in Christ."

- "Sometimes we get to see the miracle; other times we get to be the miracle."

- "Sometimes God lets the sun go down so that he can be our only light."

- "Most of the time, if you don't move, God wont move. That's just the way He designed faith to work."

- "People who walk in audacious faith don't stop and pray. Audacious faith teaches us to push and pray."

- "Vision begins when you hear the sound of God's voice speaking something to your heart. It's not an audible voice. It's more like an unshakable impression, an inner sense." (2 Cor. 5:7)

I had 13 pages of notes so this post was very brief and doesn't get into the book like it could, but I encourage you to check it out. You won't be let down!